Motherhood

Whoa, friends. Whoa.
Let me just tell you something about Motherhood... Well, it can't be summed up in a word. It takes several.
Motherhood is, for me...

Empowering
De-powering (Is that a word? I just made it up. Work with me, people. I have an English degree... The only thing I'm qualified to do is make up words.)
Super Fun
Frightening
Not for the faint of heart
All-Consuming - heart, mind, body, strength...
Miraculous
A Great Adventure
A Guessing Game
Inspiring
Humbling
24/7... for the rest. of my. life.
Unifying
Surprising

In short, exactly what I was created to do. And I love it.
Laila Grace is my baby sunshine and I can't wait for everything that is to come.
Hallelujah!

The Events Concerning the Arrival of Laila Grace Chapman

First, a photo... cause I know that's really why you've dropped by... and, hey, I don't blame ya!


Don't you just want to eat her up?! I love those cheeks!!

Dear, dear readers and friends, I am so sorry that I have kept you out of the loop! Yes, I'm blogging about not blogging (I swore to give that up entirely) but I can't help it. I know I've neglected you and I offer my sincerest apology.

Here's the scoop, in the form of the letter I wrote to our childbirth class:

Hello dear friends,

It was so fun to read Abbey and Kira's birth stories and to hear about how well Judson and Luna came out! Congratulations to you four! We're so grateful that things went so well for you... :)

Trevor and I are happy to report that Laila (pronounced LY-la) Grace was born May 10, 2010 at 3:05pm. She weighed 8lbs exactly and was 20 inches... I still can't believe that all of that baby actually fit into my tummy! I went into labor at about 10:30pm on May 9 (my birthday and Mother's Day). We knew I was in labor because the contractions became more frequent and were stronger each time. The first stage of labor lasted a few hours so Trev and I dozed and watched movies on the couch until the contractions were coming about 6 minutes apart. We didn't want to be in the throes of the worst part of labor in the car on the way to Denton so we left our house about 4am. Once we arrived at the hospital, the nurse tested to see if my water had broken... I was sure it hadn't because there had been no gush but the test came back positive! Once we were checked in at the hospital, things progressed more quickly and, after a total of 16 hours, Laila made her appearance at 3:05pm! (Kira, 4 hours, girl?! That is amazing!)

The most helpful position for me was to stand and "slow dance" with Trevor. That way, he and I were close, which was an enormous comfort to me, and I was able to squat down into the contraction as it came on. If we could offer any piece of advice, it would be to have someone else there to help you... a doula or a friend you trust and feel comfortable with. Especially when things got really difficult during transition, we were so grateful to have our friend Jenny to help us. Just having an extra set of hands made a difference when I needed a cool compress on my head but also needed massage on my lower back.

What happened next is a bit distressing but, before you read it, I want you to know that my midwife has delivered 3,000 babies and has never seen this happen to anyone but me. I was hesitant to even share this part of our story because I didn't want to cause anyone to be afraid but, friends, it is SO rare and Bryan convinced me that you would want to hear it. SO... here goes.

At some point during labor... the assumption is that it was while I was pushing... I managed to rupture one of the two internal illiac branches of my femoral artery . This caused, over the course of an hour and a half after delivery, a gallon of internal bleeding to fill my pelvis which was (ohmygosh) the worst pain of my life. Seriously, it was worse than labor. It took several hours for 2 OB's, a Vascular Surgeon, a Gastro Intestinal Specialist and my midwife, Holly, to decide, first, what was happening and, second, what to do about it. During this time, I was in terrible pain and my father, mother and Trevor took turns holding my hand. Eventually, the doctors were able to give me morphine and I was able to relax a bit while they decided what course of action should be taken. I went into emergency surgery at about 10pm that evening and not even the doctors knew what they would find. What they discovered was that the gallon of blood that had leaked into my pelvis had settled into a softball sized hematoma (sp?) that had situated itself between my rectum and vaginal wall. Clearly, this was the reason for all the pain. They didn't feel comfortable removing it or draining it for fear of causing an infection so, instead, the vascular surgeon used a tiny camera scope inserted through the major artery in my upper thigh to find the source of the bleeding. In order to stop the flow of blood, he inserted a tiny coil which I will now have inside of me for the rest of my life. :) This is truly miraculous to us and we are so thankful to God for the technology that was available at the hospital. When I came out of surgery, I still had the hematoma (I still have it now) but, thankfully, it was no longer being fed by the blood leakage.

After surgery, I was in ICU for 3 and a half days and had to get 3 blood transfusions to replace what I had lost into my pelvis. Thankfully, Laila was able to be with us for most of the time that we were in ICU and, while I was in surgery, Trevor got to be there for her first bath and her footprints, etc. This is another piece of advice I would give: Stress in your birth plan that, if an emergency were to occur, that Daddy (or birth coach) should go with baby. Even though I was SO out of it because of the pain and the pain medicine, I was comforted going into surgery knowing that, even though I couldn't be with Laila, Trevor was with her.

After 3 and a half days in ICU, we were so grateful to be moved down to the second floor of the hospital... the "happy floor", the postpartum floor! There, we received excellent care and Laila was able to room in with us all the time. This was such a relief after being in ICU and, to this day, we sing the praises of the nurses and doctors who took care of us!

All in all, we were in the hospital 11 days. We've been home now for just over a week and, while I'm still recovering... in a bit of pain, taking several medications, etc., we're doing very well.

The thing that I am MOST grateful for in all of this is that Laila was out before any of the trauma occurred inside my body. I believe that God spared her from enduring any of what happened inside of me and I'm so happy to report that she is healthy and beautiful and as happy as can be. All I could think of while I was in ICU was that I was so grateful it was me and not her who was there.

Attached you'll find some photos of us... :) Thank you to all of you for being our childbirth buddies and for your support and encouragement! Linda, the instruction we received from you was priceless and we will most certainly recommend your class! Thank you for everything! We look forward to hearing all of your birth stories as well and will pray for you in the meantime!

For Love,
Trevor, Chelsea and Baby Laila Grace

Not About Laila. Not A Bit.

Greetings, my friends!
This blog is coming to you live from my second home, the Starbucks at Knox and Henderson... More specifically, it is coming to you courtesy of my Birthday and Mother's Day present, a new MacBook, officially named "Jumanji" by Clay and Co. this very morning!

Isn't Jumanji that kind of weird movie about jungle animals, starring Robin Williams?

Hmm... we may need to rethink this one.

Let me tell you, people, I love this thing! As my sweet friend Liz so eloquently put it, "Once you go Mac, you never go back"... I've only had this computer for 3 days but I'm thinking the girl's on to something.
Here's a picture of Liz and me at my wedding... Yes, she's as brilliant as she looks...

Anyway, this is the only "new arrival" to speak of at the moment because our Sweet Laila is Taking Her Sweet Time. After all that drama, she's decided she likes it in there and is going to stay awhile. The thought occured to me this morning that perhaps she's playing a little game of Hard To Get. Like, maybe if we don't make a big deal of her coming, like, if we don't really talk about her for awhile and we yawn and say things like, "Oh, whenever, Laila... We're in no hurry out here! Just come when you like! Oh, you want to stay a few days past your due date? We don't mind a bit. Just hang out, baby...", maybe she'll decide she wants to surprise us and go ahead and come on! See? It's called "Reverse Psychology" and parents use it on their children all the time. I'm just getting started early.

Besides that, there's the whole theory about a watched pot never boiling, etc, etc... It's really not true, though. The pot always boils... eventually... and, eventually, this child must come out, right? Right!

So, as a part of my Reverse Psychology scheme, from here on out, until this post is posted, there will be no talking about Laila. None. So don't even try to bring her up. We're talking about Other Things.

I'm not ashamed to tell you that I spent some time watching country music videos this morning. Sure did. And it got me thinking...

Did ya'll know that I'm a Country Girl At Heart? I really, truly am. Sure, I appreciate the conveniences of the city. Clearly, I love the opportunity to get a perfectly crafted decaf iced grande soy americano any time I like, on the corner of practically any major intersection in Dallas. I love all the great restaurant options surrounding us and, as I've mentioned before, I love my house in our quirky little East Dallas neighborhood.

Notice my look of triumph at finding an adorable Starbucks near the water in San Fran...

But...
Nothing compares to a cool morning breeze blowing through the barn at 6am, the smell of hay and honeysuckle, a freshly opened bag of feed, sweet horse breath in your face, a welcome whinney, an open pasture of soft grass, warm sunshine on your face and fresh, pure country air. There's nothing better than experiencing God in the midst of His creation and hearing Him speak to you in the whisper of the wind. I've known this sort of bliss on my Papaw's farm in Kentucky, at the Pine Cove Ranch on warm summer mornings, driving down country lanes with the windows rolled down and, in Wyoming, as Trevor and I quested to find a band of free-roaming, wild horses.


(We found em.)

I've known this bliss in trips to the Feed Store (http://paisleyleather.blogspot.com/2009/04/feed-store.html), long trail rides through piney woods, in blissful hours spent caring for the horses I've had the privilege of loving along the way.






Cosmo Alexander as The Perfect Farm Kid.


(Because we're Not Mentioning Laila, I'm whispering this part...) I long for my precious daughter to have the joy of experiencing these things, knowing God in this way, growing up slow and free and surrounded by authenticity and Love and Grace in an environment that fosters her curiosity and compassion and teaches her to work hard and love people and nature.

I'm grateful that it is possible to both love my new MacBook and love the open freedom of country life. I'm grateful that I can enjoy my soy americano as well as my Momo's country kitchen cooking. I'm grateful that we can live in our quirky East Dallas neighborhood and still escape the city whenever we get the itch.

What a blessed life we live. There are so many reasons to celebrate! I am choosing right now to always choose gratefulness and to teach my daughter the grace of being thankful.

Laila, you were conceived out of your Mommy and Daddy's desire to share the life we love with someone else, to invite a child into the blessings that God has given us. We welcome you with open arms, Little One... but, of course, only when you're ready.

Paisley Leather presents Laila's Paisley Nursery

Trevor is fielding the Jehovah's Witnesses who just rang our doorbell and I'm popping by to say hello to you. Just a lazy Saturday morning at the Chapman house...

Hmmm... It is an interesting idea, door to door evangelism in our east Dallas neighborhood. I wonder at the effectiveness of such a method. Perhaps next time we should invite them in for a cup of tea and a chat. Friends, do any of you have stories about door to door prosletyzers and your encounters with them? I would be interested in hearing them... Comment away! Well, actually, have a look at these nursery photos first. That's the reason I popped by in the first place.

But first, I just want to tell you that we talked with the midwife on Thursday evening and she said that, at this point, if Laila's coming, we're gonna let her come! That means that my fears of being separated from her because of the NICU, my discomfort with the idea of using drugs to stop labor and my unease over the idea of having to give Laila steroids to speed up her lung development are behind us! Holly The Midwife says that Laila is cleared for take-off! Actually, umm... I think cleared for landing is more appropriate. I'm so grateful! We made it through 3 weeks of staving off contractions and we're emerging on the other side! Hearing this from Holly, my friends, was like a healing balm to my soul. I hit a pretty low place on Wednesday and Thursday because I was experiencing stronger and more painful contractions and was having a really hard time stopping them. I was haunted by the idea that Laila would come out and have to be separated from us and I couldn't imagine her out of my womb but not in my arms. Even now, a lump rises in my throat when I think about being separated from her. Whew. Shake it off, Chels. Pull yourself together. This is a celebration post!

So, the point is: She's a-comin and we're excited!
And her lovely nursery awaits...



A close-up of the AMAZING banner her Auntie Crystal made for her...



Her window valance and whimsical butterfly mobile... (Thank you, Aunt Judi!)



And the sign above her closet... (Thank you, Auntie Lezlie!)





A HUGE round of grateful applause to Laila's Nonna and Papa Bear AKA my precious Mom and Dad, for gifting us with all of the beautiful bedding you've seen in the above photos. You are going to be the spoiling-est grandparents EVER! And I say, "bring it on"! :) Thank you, Shmoopy and Daddy!

So, in conclusion, we're waiting here... with baited breath... for the moment that she arrives and completely ROCKS OUR WORLD... and we are going to love every minute of it.

Good Thing I Love My House

So, they call it "Modified Bedrest" and it's what they make you do when you are 33 weeks and 1 day pregnant and you start having contractions that hurt... Not those innocent little Braxton-Hicks contractions, my friends... The real ones. The ones that make your cervix start to thin out and begin that lovely journey to 10 centimeters of glorious dilation. The ones that feel like someone is twisting your uterus like a dish towel being rung out. Oh, uh, my apologies to any male readers out there. That may have been a little too much information. Actually, I don't think I have any male readers out there, except my Dad... who can totally handle a little cervix talk. The man watched my little brother be removed from my mother's womb, ya'll, like, actually watched it happen. He's crazy tough.

By the way, when Clay came out, he was asleep. Seriously, the child was totally chilling. Evidence of the cool cat he would grow up to be? I think yes. Check out the cool-ness... It's unparalleled, really.



I, on the other hand, came out screaming like a banchee... But are we suprised? My Mama says I was mad as a hornet about how long the whole process was taking and came out with a little conehead to show for it. Poor baby. No child should be compared to Dan Akroyd, seriously.


See what I mean? That's rather disturbing, actually.

While we're on the subject of me and my little bro, how about some fun pictures of the two of us?



Too cool for school...


And we like to flare our nostrils...


And we're REALLY HAPPY!!


Wow, check out my collar bones. I miss those. Oh, and also my cheek bones... and only the one chin. Hmmm... I'm sure I'll see that face in the mirror again someday... :)

Laila is so worth it, though. And she's definitely worth all of this laying around and missing my Starbucks.
In loving memory...


I liken this bedrest thing to naps in pre-school. Remember how much you hated having to take a nap back then? I mean, I remember loathing naptime, having to be practically strapped to my nap mat and threatened within an inch of my life if I didn't stay put and close my eyes! Somewhere around 5th grade, though, I began to see the value of that nap mat that was once so burdensome to my little preschool agenda. I began to long for someone to bust out a nap mat and declare that naptime had been instituted for middle schoolers and would we all please put our heads down and close our eyes?? Alas, it never happened... And, according to all reports, once Laila arrives, I will never again, in my entire life, ever have another afternoon in which I lay around thinking, "La di da... I wonder what I should do now..." All of you Moms out there are knowingly nodding your heads, slightly charmed by my naivete and saying these like, "You better enjoy that rest while you can!" and "Oh, if someone would only put me on bedrest!" and "Girl, you don't even know..." I know, I know. You're right. I should be grateful. Sigh.

Anyway, we're in the home stretch! Today is 35 weeks and, as of this next Monday, we will be home free and Laila can come any old time she likes! As my Grandat said, "She's already looking for the door!"

I just think she's an overachiever, ready to take on this great big world and anxious to get a headstart! "Hello World! I'm Laila Chapman and I've got work to do! I can't be bothered by things like due dates and lung development! Here I come!"

Okay, Little Champ, just stay in there 5 more days, will you? For Mommy?

Your Vote Counts!

Dear reader, consider yourself loved. Consider yourself valued.
Consider yourself... solicited.



Trevor and I are working on Laila's middle name. As I've mentioned, this is a serious decision. The world will call this child by the name we give her for the rest of her life. And, of course, her middle name is especially important because this is what she'll be hearing from us every time she gets in trouble... I'm joking, of course. Laila will never be in trouble... Ahem. Anyway.
These things can't be taken lightly at any rate!

So, we'd like your opinion...

Here are the finalists, in no particular order:
Laila Layne Chapman
Laila Grace Chapman
Laila Zoe Chapman
Laila Belle Chapman

Trevor would like for me to tell you that he reserves the right to completely ignore the results of this survey (he's just being spicey, you see) but I promise that your thoughtful comments will be valued and carefully considered.

Your Vote Counts!

Musings from a Monday...

Lean Cuisine Pizza: is not a meal. It's barely a snack... and now I'm hungry again.

Pandora Radio: I LOVE Pandora. Have you, dear reader, been introduced to it's greatness? I've been listening to the Norah Jones station this morning and have discovered two new songs that I will be adding to my "chill" playlist. "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn and "Heal Over" by KT Tunstall. You should have a listen. You'll be glad you did. And, while I'm on the subject of music, let me just give some love to my Music Guru and Best Pal, Jennifer Powell, who always finds the most wonderful and creative music and then, in her generosity, shares it with me. You should read her blog. See the list to the right. No, not the "About Me" section... that's about me... down a little... right. There you are. Notes from G Street. She's adorable. Here's a picture of us at my wedding...



The Phenomenon of Belly Touching: Now, I was warned, well and often, by good friends who've gone before me, that I would find myself being unapologetically touched by people once I was blatantly and unmistakeably pregnant. This was not something that concerned me. I'm a touchy kind of person. I hug people I first meet. I welcome kisses from friends visiting from France. I value the human connection. My bubble tends to be rather small... So far, I've actually experienced less belly touching than I expected. Oh you know, the occasional older lady at the grocery store, friends and family, of course, and children especially seem fascinated by my protruding middle, however, The Line was crossed last week when a male student at SMU just couldn't resist reaching out for a little rub. WHAT?! I mean, we're talking a complete stranger, a MAN and a college student at that! After congratulating me like we were old friends, he went on to explain that he has "about a million" neices and nephews and that he LOVES children. "Now I don't have any myself, of course" he says, "Ya gotta find the right girl first, you know!! Ha ha ha... You must have found the right one, though! I mean, the right guy in your case... Cause you're clearly the right girl! Ha ha ha" and, all the while, I'm still totally amazed and, frankly, rather speechless, feeling confused because, while I'm a bit charmed by his enthusiasm, I'm also resisting the urge to slap his face for feeling so free to just TOUCH me. I mean, yes, the belly has the baby in it but it's still MY belly, after all. Still very much A Part. Of. Me. I walked away totally in awe, smiling a bit, I'll admit, but, still, totally in awe. Here was Laila's reaction:



How would you have reacted?