Wednesday, August 4

Adventures in Babys... oops, I mean... I'm the Mom.

These are lessons I've learned since becoming a Mommy... brought to you (and me) courtesy of one Laila Grace Chapman.

1. Moms can steal anything.
If the police catch wind of this blog, don't worry, my friends... I'll be fine. I know a guy. So, up till now, I've unintentionally stolen one yellow bell pepper and one can of black beans. Those thieves who put things under their shirts or stash a pilfered item in their backpack are so elementary. Don't they know? All they have to do is put a baby in a car seat and put that car seat in the grocery cart. Whatever they want to steal they can just "accidentally" miss when they are putting their items on the conveyer belt at the checkout stand!

Now, in the case of yours truly, I promise that these items were stolen by actual accident... the simple truth being that I didn't realize until loading the car that the can of beans had rolled underneath the car seat and thereby didn't make it onto the conveyer belt. By that point, I had already loaded all the other groceries into the car and was heaving the car seat into the base in the awful Texas heat, while my child is fussing because she's had to grocery shop all morning and the cart is threatening to roll away and smash the Lexus parked next to me. Both times, I've just left the items in the cart and gone on with my pursuit of getting home before my child loses all patience and attempts a mutiny. (Attempts to mutinize? Hmm...)

Anyway, I saw this episode of Oprah once (I've seriously, maybe seen, like 6 episodes of Oprah in my entire life...) where these totally normal seeming suburban moms are kleptomaniacs under cover. I remember one woman explaining that she just became addicted to the rush of getting away with it. In the case of the black beans, I got into the car remembering this lady on Oprah and thinking... "Oooh, I got away with it!" but... then... it wasn't really that exciting to me. I think that's a good thing. So, I don't think this is going to become a habit. In fact, today, I was kind of ridiculous about checking every nook and cranny of my grocery cart. Still, a lesson learned. Moms can steal anything. So steal away, Moms! But don't tell 'em I told you how. (wink wink)

2. It is possible to truly, genuinely sing praises to the Lord with the back end of a pacifier in your mouth.

I'm speaking from experience. This totally happened to me. And the crazy part is... I have become so accustomed to having the back side of a pacifier in my mouth that I didn't even realize I was doing it! I was literally singing out loud... Only "Nothing but the blood" sounded like "nutting buh da bud".

3. When you think that you are literally physically incapable of getting out of bed one more time at 4am to rock the child that you just rocked to sleep at 3am, you're wrong. You are. You just get up and do it. I would like to say that you are miraculously filled with joy, compassion, empathy and energy when you get up to do it but that's not always quite right... Still, you do it. It's kind of amazing how something just rises up in you. I think it's something akin to grit. Like, when that boulder fell on that guy when he was hiking and he just chewed his own arm off. Yeah, grit like that!

4. When you're at the pediatrician's office and the form asks for the "Mother's Name", that's not your mother's name. That's your name.

Yes, my friends, I wrote "Donna Golden" and then I realized... Oh wait. I'm the mother. Dang. In that moment, it became really real to me and I almost cried. If pushing an 8 pound baby out of your body doesn't make you realize you're a mommy, going to the pediatrician's office sure will!

These are just a few of the lessons I've learned so far. Stay tuned for more lessons learned through the adventures of mommyhood!

Until then, I'll leave you with a bit more of the irresistible adorableness I experience everyday:


  1. She is a real beauty!! I love your list, Chels--you are right on, girl. I have down the paci singing too! And paci talking, paci driving, you name it! :) And the grit thing is so true. When you think you've reached your end, you really haven't. Even though you're butt-tired. :)

    What a great mama you are. xoxo

  2. Sorry, it's not theft without the requisite culpable mental state, intentionally or knowingly. Recklessly does not apply.
    I always love reading your blogs. I can't wait for the book.
    Love, Dad

  3. You crack me up..."like the guy that chewed his arm off" that is grit

    You are an awesome mom - love watching yall learn and have fun!

    let's get togehter soon :) I know I keep saying that, but I am serious :)

  4. Chelsea, Chelsea! I laughed out loud at home by myself in front of the computer! I think it is hysterical that you left the black beans and the yellow bell pepper in the shopping cart outside the store. Wonder if anyone snagged them? Your list of lessons learned from your child will continue to grow. She is so cute!

  5. and your daughter are ABSOLUTELY beautiful.

    I'm totally taking mental notes, and looking forward to mommyhood all the more as I learn of your experience so far. Keep em coming, lady!

    Praying for you tonight. Love you!