I Hate, Hate, Hate Cancer

Friends, I just saw via Facebook that Taylor Swift's mom has been diagnosed with cancer. The tidal wave of emotion that rose up in me compelled me to come here and talk with you about it. 

I don't know Taylor or her mother but dammit if I know cancer. 
It sucks. It totally and completely sucks and I'm SO ANGRY at it.


Why am I crying literal tears over this news? 
(Truly, ya'll, I can barely see the screen.)


Because I am a child who has walked (is walking) through my parent's cancer, 
because I've known too many children who've watched their parents suffer,  
because I've known too many parents who've watched their children suffer, 
because we've lost too many friends, 
because I know cancer to be unpredictable, frustrating, relentless. 

I know the journey that awaits the Swift family.

My heart breaks for Taylor. My heart breaks for her mother and what she'll have to go through physically. My heart breaks for the fact that, besides the grueling physical and emotional road ahead, she'll grieve over the pain that her sickness will cause her children and her husband. 

I know Papa grieves for that; the way that his cancer has been hard on Clay and I, my mom, his parents... and I grieve that he has had to grieve over our grief... you know?? 

UGH. 

We've dealt with Papa's tumor and all of the complications surrounding it for so long, sometimes I don't realize how much of my heart has been affected by it. And then I hear that someone I don't even know, but who I sort of know (you know? I mean, she's, like, the queen of oversharing) is being gripped by the same fear that I've dealt with, the fear of losing a beloved parent too soon, and all of a sudden the tears come hot and fast and I'm hiding in the closet so that my children don't ask why Mommy is so sad. 

We're a closer family than we realize, humans. 
We're vulnerable and delicate and we desperately need each other.
It really is a small world after all. 

So, here's my virtual hug for Taylor and her family. 

And for all of you who've walked this path. 

For what it's worth, loved ones, we can feel it together. 

Love,
Chels