Solid Food

If you'll allow, I think I'll just start right here in the middle of my thought.

____


Recently, I marveled at a facebook post written by a man who's child had been diagnosed with cancer.  

It was incredible. 
It was inspiring. 
It was compelling. 

Maybe that is what the Bible writers meant when they talked about "solid food", that I might grow to a place of maturity in which I am able to pray "In every circumstance; truly, even in the midst of my worst nightmare, I trust in your goodness. I rely on you for comfort and I hold fast to the promise of eternity in your presence, where there is no longer sorrow, where the thirst of my soul will be ultimately and unendingly quenched by Living Water." 

I'm not here to make an announcement. We're not in the middle of any great trial. 
In fact, I've never really experienced personal grief. Heck, I haven't even had to grieve a grandparent yet. Wonder of wonders, I'm 32 years old and all 4 of my grandparents are alive and well, thank God. MAY THEY LIVE FOREVER AND EVER. 

My dad has struggled with cancer for so many years that I'm tired of typing the number but he is alive and he is fighting. We've grieved for moments lost, for sure, but he is breathing and we are able to hear his voice and kiss his lovely face. 

I have heard of that deep grief of loss, though, for sure. 
I've walked closely with friends as they've travelled that dark valley. 

I absolutely cannot imagine the immense grief of watching my child suffer with cancer... and, yet, this acquaintance of mine and his wife are doing that very thing, walking through my worst nightmare and somehow finding a way to worship God in the midst of it. Solid food. 

_____


I do not understand why my life is so good. I have such abundance and such an overflow of reasons to be thankful, I almost feel guilty sometimes. And I struggle with even saying that God has blessed me. Because why should He? Why should I be "blessed" with healthy children when others have to watch their precious ones suffer? 

I'll tell the truth. I feel lucky. 
And grateful. So very very grateful. 

Jesus, you said that we'd have trouble in this world. 
And I believe you. 

When trouble comes to me, I pray that I will have the courage and strength to reach for the solid food of trusting you, allowing you to be my comfort and my sustenance, just as I've witnessed others do. They are an inspiration and their faith spurs me onward.

"Whatever it looks like, whatever may come, I am yours."
~Bethel worship

Love,
Chels

A Psalm

Well, its been quite awhile since this English major dabbled in poetry... and this particular piece lacks the light and easy tone that we usually employ over here at Love Chels but, when challenged by a friend to write my own personal Psalm, this is what came out. 

And, boy, is it from my heart. 

My Shalom

Fear beckons at the door of my heart

Inviting me out of community with God, 

Inviting me to stroll along that dark path of distrust. 

Satan seeks to distract me, 

Attempting to fill my mind with past sin, 

Past rebellion, past wounds. 

But YOU, O God, are my shield and my strength!

The Word of the Lord is my weapon against my every enemy. 

Jesus Himself stands guard at the entrance of my heart, 

His own blood painted over the doorway and along it's sides. 

His blood declares:

She is mine. 

She is victorious. 

She is WHOLE, pure, free and fully redeemed...

And NO weapon formed against her shall prosper!

The past is dead.

New life springs up. 

Now and forever, I walk hand in hand with my God, 

My Redeemer, My Shalom.

I'm sure those people who are in charge of the canon will be calling me any day now... ;) 

Love,

Chels

Welcome to the PTA!

Well, guys, the responsibilities of Hospitality Chairwoman of the Norton Elementary PTA have officially been handed over to yours truly. 

I'm sure that after my first board meeting this morning, the people are questioning their decision to invite me to join... 

First of all, my babysitter double booked herself and had to cancel (not pointing any fingers... MOM) so I took my children. Yes, I was given permission to do so! Encouraged even, probably for the sake of quorum, lets be honest... but still, I had been assured that it would be no big deal. 

And it probably WAS no big deal for 3/4 of the room. 

For the people who were sitting directly in front of where my children were parked, however, the "Bibbity bopitty boo", a couple rounds of "Let it go" and A TON of "shhhhh"ing from me might have been a little distracting. That 1/4 of the room also enjoyed Lydia's little pats (she pats people, ya'll... its adorable) and her attempts at pawing through their purses. I can only assume she was looking for snacks. I mean, thats what I would be looking for so, you know, like mother, like daughter!

Did I mention that there was a 30 minute long budget report? Really important stuff, granted, and I was THRILLED to be there and hear it, seriously! I'm not being sarcastic! 
I definitely learned why children should be kept as far as possible away from PTA meetings, though. 30 minute budget reports do not need a soundtrack of Disney princess songs, I promise. 

Its confusing to the palette. 

BUT we were doing ok... and people were giving me very sweet and very empathetic smiles and I was thinking "Boy, its awesome to be a Norton Knight. I'm pumped to be the Hospitality Chairwoman! I'm about to ROCK THIS THING."

... 

And THEN. 

Lydia started saying "diaper! diaper!" ...
Besides her insistence, I could smell that, yes, indeed, her diaper WAS in need of attention. 
What I failed to notice, however, was that somehow she had managed to get inside her little jumper outfit and unfasten one side of the diaper... So that, by the time the meeting was over and we had RUN to the car trying to get to Laila's swim lesson on time, the poop was all down her legs and all over my hip from where I had been holding her. 

Sorry, just want to be sure... did you hear what I said?!? 

ALL OVER US. 
POOP!!
Poop, I tell you! 

At my first PTA board meeting!

AND (of course) today was the day that I had no wipes in my diaper bag... #mommyfail

AND no time for a wardrobe change before swim lessons. I mean, the children are in the pool for 30 measly minutes!! If you're 10 minutes late, you've missed a THIRD! 

AND I had promised Laila that this meeting would not make us late to swim lessons. She had been very sweet, patient and quiet in the meeting and, come hell or high water, I REALLY wanted to make good on that promise!

So, being the shameless creature that I am, I stripped my baby naked in the elementary school parking lot, wiped her down with my car stash of Starbucks napkins, strapped her into her car seat topless and drove all of us, stinky, to swim lessons. 

BUT WE MADE IT, friends. 
We made it!

-------

For the rest of the day, my children will be permitted to run amok and have treats. 

And I will allow myself a nap and a half price frappucino. 

Norton PTA board, I had intended to wait until later to show you my crazy but, today, you got it in full measure. Thank you for being so gracious. I think we're going to have a lot of fun. 

Three cheers for real life... and parent/teacher cooperation, of course! 

Love,
Chels

What does PTA even stand for?

#KIDMOM ALERT!!

I just accepted a position on the PTA board for next year. 
I've literally been inside the Elementary school building ONE. TIME. 

Dear Lord, what have I done? 

They sensed my naïveté. 
They smelled my fresh meat. 
They pounced. I surrendered. 

It only took 2 emails for me to crack. 
I'M SO WEAK AND IMPRESSIONABLE.

Well... If anyone needs me, I'll be, like, laminating or something... 

This is being a #kidmom, ya'll. I'm diving in!

Love,
Chels

I Hate, Hate, Hate Cancer

Friends, I just saw via Facebook that Taylor Swift's mom has been diagnosed with cancer. The tidal wave of emotion that rose up in me compelled me to come here and talk with you about it. 

I don't know Taylor or her mother but dammit if I know cancer. 
It sucks. It totally and completely sucks and I'm SO ANGRY at it.


Why am I crying literal tears over this news? 
(Truly, ya'll, I can barely see the screen.)


Because I am a child who has walked (is walking) through my parent's cancer, 
because I've known too many children who've watched their parents suffer,  
because I've known too many parents who've watched their children suffer, 
because we've lost too many friends, 
because I know cancer to be unpredictable, frustrating, relentless. 

I know the journey that awaits the Swift family.

My heart breaks for Taylor. My heart breaks for her mother and what she'll have to go through physically. My heart breaks for the fact that, besides the grueling physical and emotional road ahead, she'll grieve over the pain that her sickness will cause her children and her husband. 

I know Papa grieves for that; the way that his cancer has been hard on Clay and I, my mom, his parents... and I grieve that he has had to grieve over our grief... you know?? 

UGH. 

We've dealt with Papa's tumor and all of the complications surrounding it for so long, sometimes I don't realize how much of my heart has been affected by it. And then I hear that someone I don't even know, but who I sort of know (you know? I mean, she's, like, the queen of oversharing) is being gripped by the same fear that I've dealt with, the fear of losing a beloved parent too soon, and all of a sudden the tears come hot and fast and I'm hiding in the closet so that my children don't ask why Mommy is so sad. 

We're a closer family than we realize, humans. 
We're vulnerable and delicate and we desperately need each other.
It really is a small world after all. 

So, here's my virtual hug for Taylor and her family. 

And for all of you who've walked this path. 

For what it's worth, loved ones, we can feel it together. 

Love,
Chels

Running in the desert.

Friends, I'm so proud of my sister-in-law for recently completing her first half marathon. And, as if running 13.1 miles isn't enough, she did it in Zion National Park, the freaking desert. Literally. 
The desert!

She and Barry (My bro-in-law ... Uh, (important clarification) they aren't married. They're Trevor's little brother and little sister) ran 13.1 miles through (have I mentioned this yet?) THE DESERT. 
Can you tell I'm impressed? And proud? 

Here they are in all their post-race glory. 

(Yes, I know, they're adorable and, yes, they're both single. Applications to date them can be submitted to me.) 

Well, having never run a half marathon and most certainly never having run through the desert (I was nervous just driving through it on Trev and I's cross-country road trip - what if we run out of gas?? and water?? and kettle corn??),  I was not in any way qualified to give any advice whatsoever. 

But, since I am approaching the 1 year anniversary of my love affair with running and since I do like putting on my "big sister shoes" from time to time, I had a few words of encouragement for Alicia before the race. 

I'd like to share them with you, dear reader, because while they apply to running, I think they also apply to some of the other hard things of life... like sticking with a job you might not love or the hard moments of marriage and motherhood, walking through a season of grief... you know, those types of things. 

Here are the things I said to Alicia. 

1). "Remember that there is no pressure. None. Maintaining your pace and breathing steadily is all you have to think about. When I find myself trying to go too fast, I focus on standing up straighter, pushing my shoulders back and letting my feet go first. Leaning forward and straining are wasted efforts."

Isn't this true, friends? Geez, if we could all just slow down a little bit. The straining, the leaning forward, the constant pressing to speed up. Are these the best uses of our effort? Or would it be better to settle into a pace that we can maintain with joy, peace and freedom? 

This morning, I read a Huffington Post blog that was very, very good. The author was talking about how she really struggled when her second child was born, how she didn't like the mom she was during that first year of the baby's life and how she felt like she was always striving to keep up, be in control, maintain order. 

She said she learned the value of "settling in", rather than always striving. 

For me, settling in looks like laying on the floor in the playroom, observing and pretending with my children and letting the chaos sort of wash over me. I don't have to be above it, trying to control it. Sometimes, I can just sit in it, take deep breaths and watch what happens. 

Settling in looks like sitting on the couch and watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Lydia rather than being afraid that I won't get the floor swept or the dishes washed. 

It means letting the raised voices get a little out of hand if doing so will allow the girls to work out their disagreement without my intervention. 

It means having the courage to let things get a little out of control from time to time. Dear reader, settle in. Maintain your pace. Be free of striving.

----

2). "Enjoy the scenery and think positive thoughts. Think of being thankful for your breath, your strong, beautiful body and your capable legs."

Running has opened my eyes to gratefulness for my body in a way that nothing ever has before. As I run, I truly whisper blessings over my body. Do I sound a little kooky right now?? But I mean it! I really do this! 
"Thank you, legs, for your efforts on my behalf." 
"Thank you, dear lungs. You are so powerful!" 
"Thank you, strong core, for holding me up." 
"Thank you, heart, for pumping blood to all my parts." 
"Without you, my amazing body, I couldn't experience the joy of running." 

For a chubby girl who can always find something negative to say about my body, I've found these moments to be positively refreshing. 

What can you find to be grateful for?

And, finally... 

3). "Try not to think about the finish line. Be present at mile 3, mile 6, mile 12... Try to enjoy the journey. Even if you run another half marathon through the desert someday, no day will ever look the same as this day does. The finish line will come." 

No explanation needed there, ya'll. The finish line will come. 
So, what about today? 

----

I mean, really, who knew that running could be so educational? 
And, like, applicable to real life? 


Maintain YOUR pace. 
Think happy and thankful thoughts. 
Be present. 


... even in the desert. 

Love,
Chels

She's a Tooter

Well, on this gorgeous, sun-shiney Texas day,  I just stopped by to tell you something that I can only share with you. It's so funny, ya'll. But also a little inappropriate so let's just keep it between us, ok? Shhh. 

Here it is:
Anytime I change Lydia's diaper, she takes a deep breath, bears down and tries to toot. 
Yep, somewhere along the way, my 21 month old little girl figured out how to make herself toot. She practices multiple times a day and, to her credit, she's gotten pretty dang good at it. When she's able to make it happen (which is often), she giggles hysterically, says "More, more" and then tries again. 

I cannot help myself. I laugh too. Every time. You would too, I guarantee it!
What's that? A video, you say? Can't say I haven't thought of it myself but, ya'll, that would be SO inappropriate. I can't believe you even suggested it. You'll just have to take my word for it. 
Its stinking hilarious. Pun intended.

This girl is such a comedian. 
She will do anything for a laugh. 
She is SO MUCH FUN. 

Thanks for giggling with me.

Love,
Chels